A Rainy Pastime

[Clock rings] ding ding ding ding ding

Humph! I need a break, and I better have some strong coffee.

It's been raining since this morning. I don't think that I saw a glimpse of the sun the whole day! 

I don't remember leaving my room in the last 6 hours either..

The outside looks beautiful. It's been a while since I've enjoyed rain through my window. I love the sounds around. It's like the earth is speaking to heaven.

The raindrops are constantly knocking on the window-glass. 

I used to take my arms out of the window and sink in some unknown happiness. My eyes used to be more keen and eager. My smile used to be uncorrupted.

The rain continues to hit my window, calling me out like an old friend.

I stand stiff and watch it from a distance.

I have spent so many afternoons like this, running and jumping in the water on the streets with an umbrella folded and kept inside my bag. That was so me. 

I have changed.

I never realized when I started to carry a different person in the name of personality.

Oh! The coffee is prepared sooner than I expected.

I walk towards my desk, and a part of mine silently walks outside, leaving me.. maybe forever. It's not the first time. Actually it's hard to remember exactly how many times I have traded myself for responsibilities. 

I wish, I could go outside instead and embrace the rain. At least I wouldn't have to cry without tears.

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Numb

It's a sober night. The Jazz is making me want to stay a little more on my chair. But it's getting late. A couple of sips and I'm out of here. 

This night café! I have started to like their dim lights more than the morning sun! I see my reflection on the glass I'm holding. I look different. My eyes look a little faded, as if they're slowly losing the urge to see anything around. My body is getting heavier and inside, it's getting numb. 

It's time to leave.

I, so want to fall on the ground, grab some grass and cry. I want to bury my head and sleep. But I can't.

My chest seems cold as I walked out. Breathing seems tiring. The light posts are making no difference.

I just want to rest, a little; erase some of my existence from past. 

Not possible, huh?

I know. And I know, it's not hard to start again. But I feel so down! And I wish so much to feel your soft little palm on my chest. I wish, you could hold my arm and take me home every evening. And at night, I could sleep when you closed my eyes with your tender fingertips.

Good grief! Home! 

Another day gone. I know, tomorrow, my feet will again take me to the café. The search for tranquility will burden me more.

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